So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
