We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
