Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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