I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
