??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
