Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
