So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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