the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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