Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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