My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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