i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
