ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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