i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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