some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
