I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
