i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
