I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
