covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
