Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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