I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
