i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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