hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
