he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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