O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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