Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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