That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I die, sorry about rent.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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