weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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