Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
