she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
