Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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