I think my fart just growled at me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
