the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
