I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
