Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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