well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
