Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
