I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
