I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
