susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
