it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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