You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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