don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
