I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
