Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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