We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
