the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
