Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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