At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
