Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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