Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
