I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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