Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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