ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
