Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
