we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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