he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
