i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
