he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
