nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
