i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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