Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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