I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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