My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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