What did we do last night that was yellow?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
