I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize