you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
as a side note pls kill me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
