girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
