New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
