So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
