I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
