He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
