I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
