One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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