That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
