No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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